Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Undo It - Carrie Underwood

This song has nothing to do with what I wan't to talk about, but some way, somehow, I feel like it relates to my life, even if others don't see it.

“You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it”

KP (the guy that killed my dad) stole my happy. He has made me cry – still does.
I want to undo everything that has happened. But I can’t. I don’t’ have that power.

My friends tell me I can’t give him the power to ruin me like he ruined my dad – that he can’t destroy two people. But it’s difficult. My make up has gotten darker, I have done things I never would have done if my dad were still here. I present myself differently than I did before my dad was killed. I cared more then than I do now. I dressed differently. I didn’t let the small things bother me. But now, I don’t care, I dress and look in ways I never thought I would, and the small things bother me. More times than not, I find myself getting mad at the small stuff and wanting to punch something or someone – a wall, a window - it doesn’t matter as long as I get the anger out of my body and into physical pain.

So this is for you KP – no matter what anyone tells you, I have changed. It’s your fault. You will never, EVER be forgiven for what you did to my dad, as well as for what you have done to me because of that night.

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