Thirteen

You know, in just thirteen months, I lost my father to murder, my grandma to lymphoma, and my uncle to complications with his diabetes. In that same thirteen months, I stood by one of my best friends as she cried at her little brother’s funeral: he died in a car accident. I’ve also stood by my grandpa, one of the strongest men I know. After losing his son and his wife, my grandpa also lost his brother, all in the same thirteen months I’ve been talking about. These deaths happened between December of 2008 and January of 2010.

My question has always been, “Why? Why my family? Why me?” Maybe I’m being selfish – I don’t exactly know. All I know is that I’m not strong enough to loose all these people, especially my dad. I was a daddy’s girl – I always have been, always will be.

I can go to church every Sunday, but that doesn’t make me the Christian I used to be. Due to these thirteen months, my faith has changed a lot. I question almost everything that comes my way regarding my faith and my beliefs.

Maybe there’s something I should learn from this – what immediately pops into my head is this: I should learn that life is a gift, not a right. But that seems too easy. It seems like it’s the obvious answer to all this.

Maybe it’s that I have learned who my real friends are. But again, that seems too easy. I guess I sit, wait, and find out… It’s all I can really do…

Blah Blah Blah: Ke$ha

My sister has me addicted to this song now. We tend to say “blah blah blah” a lot to each other when we are annoyed. So now, we just sometimes randomly decide to sing it instead of say it :)
So I guess this is a shout out to my sister – the next time I get annoyed with you, I’m sending you here to listen to this song and read this message!

“Stop ta-ta-talking that
Blah blah blah”



Gotta Keep Moving: Kellie Pickler

Sometimes I think this song really explains my life – sometimes I just want to get out of this town – I want to just speed past those white lines on the highway and get out of town. Sometimes I want out. But I guess what keeps me back here is my boyfriend – the realization that if I leave, I’m being selfish. So I stay here, until the day he decides he wants to go with me…

“I gotta keep moving
With the white lines on the highway
Watchin' every mile go by
The silos and the by-ways
Gotta keep moving
Cause it's been way too long”

Let’s Talk About my Lack of Ability to Think…

Alright – right now I have NO IDEA what to talk about. I have literally no idea. Therefore, I’m just going to blabber on for a few minutes and maybe something useful will come out of my mouth…


Ok, so the Vikings lost last night to the Saints – bummer! I’m not too happy! 3rd or 4th quarter (I can’t remember) Brett Favre got hurt. But he was back in approximately 3 minutes of game time later. So that’s good, I guess. :)

I was supposed to stay with a friend and her parents this weekend to just hang out, but sadly it didn’t work out, so I was left home, bored, with pretty much nothing to do! :(


The Band Carnival was on Saturday. I worked at the game “Pirate Pond” aka “Duck Pond.” The problem with this, though, the ‘water’ was a table covered with a blue tarp – there was no water! This caused kids to be like “wtf” and walk right on by the game. So that was an interesting hour and a half – sitting there watching my friends have fun and be crazy, while I’m sitting at a semi-lame game! Oh well, I won a candy bar at “Walk the Plank” aka “Candy Walk” right after I was done running “Pirate Pond.”

Well, that's all I can think of for now! More later!!!

General Larry Platt!

Ok, for those of you that haven't seen this (and I'm sure all of you have), here's the song everone is talking about!

Pants on the Ground by General Larry Platt

This 62 year old man tried out for American Idol 2010, singing his very own song.

Simon said it would be a hit - he was right. Less than 24 hours later, Pants on the Ground played on radio stations. 24 hours later, there was a Facebook group (that, today, reached 1 million members). 24 hours later, Pants on the Ground became a new song on my iPod (the whole American Idol interview, actually!)

This guy is 62 - and according to Simon, he's "a little over the age limit of 28." In my opinion, this guy should go to Hollywood! So American Idol didn't get him there - so what! He's prolly being asked to sign a record deal right now through some other random company!

Mid Term Madness!

Ahh! It’s midterms! And let me tell you, my grades are terrible! (Ok, so terrible in my eyes!)

Conferences were tonight. And my mom saw my grades. She just said I needed to work a little harder.

So, I grounded myself.

My life will now consist of school, extra curriculars, a little bit of sleep as well as food, and studying.

I will give myself a free day – Saturday – to be with friends and with my boyfriend.

In my eyes, this isn’t extreme at all. This is what I need to do to get into law school. Law school will not accept C’s. Heck, I don’t even know if they will accept B’s!

My boyfriend, on the other hand, thinks this is extreme. He’s one of those abnormal people that can read something once and do fine on a test. I, on the other hand, need hours and hours and hours of time to study – time that I don’t have (and if I have the time, I spend it doing other things). Well, now I’m going to find that time, even if it is at three o’clock in the morning. I’m going to do well in school, no matter what it takes.

I want to be a lawyer – this is the price I pay.

Trial Date Set!

Finally! The trial date has been set! It has been postponed five or six times for various reasons…

I’m really happy because the judge finally said this would be the last time she would allow for a postponement. This means that this is the trial date, whether the defense is ready or not. :) :)

I have a lot of work to do to get ready for this trial, but at least I have almost four months to prepare and get ready for this whole thing. I’m ready for this to be over – I’m ready for my life to be out of the press and out of the public eye. I’m looking forward to this trial, mainly for that reason – to have some privacy!

Bad Influence?!

I walk to the pop machine at 10:10am yesterday at church, talking with a few of my friends, one a mom, Jenny*, and one a girl two years younger than me, Lauren*. Sunday school started at 10:00, but I wanted a pop, so decided to go there before going to my class. Then, out walks Lauren’s mom, furious that her daughter isn’t to Sunday school on time, even though the service that was supposed to get done at 10:00 got done at 10:05. She blames the whole thing on me, saying I’ve skipped before and that I’m a bad influence to her daughter and to another friend of mine that’s four years younger than me.

My immediate response was, “WTF!?” I just ignored it and walked to Sunday school.

The, last night, I had youth group. Lauren’s mom was there, glaring at me the whole two hours I was there. I wanted to confront her, but I couldn’t pull her away from the group long enough. She knew I was mad, because I just glared right back at her and didn’t say anything to her the whole night.

I was NOT a happy person last night and actually ended up getting mad at a few people on Facebook once I got home because I was in such a bad mood…


I decided to choose this song to put up in my blog because I just needed a little Screamo. I needed a little pick-me-up; an easy way to try to release the anger…


*names have been changed

Undo It - Carrie Underwood

This song has nothing to do with what I wan't to talk about, but some way, somehow, I feel like it relates to my life, even if others don't see it.


“You stole my happy, you made me cry
Took the lonely and took me for a ride
And I wanna uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-undo it”


KP (the guy that killed my dad) stole my happy. He has made me cry – still does.
I want to undo everything that has happened. But I can’t. I don’t’ have that power.

My friends tell me I can’t give him the power to ruin me like he ruined my dad – that he can’t destroy two people. But it’s difficult. My make up has gotten darker, I have done things I never would have done if my dad were still here. I present myself differently than I did before my dad was killed. I cared more then than I do now. I dressed differently. I didn’t let the small things bother me. But now, I don’t care, I dress and look in ways I never thought I would, and the small things bother me. More times than not, I find myself getting mad at the small stuff and wanting to punch something or someone – a wall, a window - it doesn’t matter as long as I get the anger out of my body and into physical pain.

So this is for you KP – no matter what anyone tells you, I have changed. It’s your fault. You will never, EVER be forgiven for what you did to my dad, as well as for what you have done to me because of that night.

The Amazing Adventures of Dakota, Lindsay, and Erin

So my friend Dakota and I have spent the last three days (second hour) watching our friend Erin make funny comics of our lives :) They are simple stick figure comics, and you can only tell people apart from height and hair. In the comics, we are constantly thinking the others are crazy and teasing each other. Erin and I are known in these comics for making fun of Dakota being freakishly tall. Dakota and I are known in these comics for being weirded out by Erin’s craziness. Dakota and Erin are known for hiding in boxes to avoid my anger problems.

These comics make us seriously laugh out loud. And we almost get into trouble every day.

Erin is the fabulous draw-er of these comics, and Dakota and I help her with ideas.

Dakota is known for being too tall – Erin makes him hunched over to fit into the panel and he is always complaining about not being able to fit through the doors. Also, he is too tall to fall into a bottomless pit – his feet get cold from being so far underground, while his head and arms are still sticking up above ground.
Erin is known for being crazy – she eats signs and boxes and does random dances with robots.
I am known for having very extreme anger problems – I go after a preppy girl with the sharpened end of a guard flag while Dakota and Erin hide in the “Box of Safety.” :)


My friends are crazy, and maybe a little dangerous because of their degree of sanity, but we have tons of fun anyway :P

Revised Essay Numero Dos

Here we go again... Another revised essay. I've written what I want to write. But now, I'm not sure what else to say in my essay. I want it a little longer. But I'm stuck. I'm not sure where to go from here, sadly.

I like what I've written, but now I just don't know. I'm scared to put some of the things I want to put. My experiences as daughter of a murder victim. The death penalty isn't legal here in Iowa, but people still walk up to me and ask, "Don't you wish Iowa had the death penalty so they could kill the guy and have it over and done with?!" My answer has always been, "no," as I walk away and whisper my response. Well, here's my explanation. Here's my reasoning.

Once the essay is done I promise to put it online. But until then, you're left wondering what this girl has written this time :P

Tiger Woods

Ok, so I just HAVE to rant about this. It’s necessary.

So AP Lang yesterday, I read an article about Tiger Woods. Some of them talked about how he has his right to privacy. This is right, but seriously, he knows he will be in the midst of the public eye. He knows that every little thing he does, good and bad, is broadcasted around the world.

There were some valid points made about this topic and with everything Tiger Woods has done, but seriously, we all think that he has to explain what he did and why. But really, we all only assume this. Really, he has to explain nothing to us. But with how our press works today, when nothing is said, they make things up, and naturally, we believe it, only because there’s nothing telling us otherwise. And even when the wrongdoer in fact, says things, they still change the story to suit the needs and to catch the attention of the readers or listeners.

My dad loved Tiger Woods when he was still here. Sometimes all this coverage by the press about the “bad side” of Tiger Woods makes me wonder what he would be thinking if he were still here. I’m sure he’d still love him as a golfer, but I’m not sure what he’d say about all that’s going on. He would probably say that over half of it is false, but only because it really is. The press changes everything, whether it’s big or small…

Lost

My friend’s dad introduced actually me to this song by Michael Bublé. I’ve grown closer to my friend’s parents and they know a lot about what has gone on with me since my dad died.

"Because you are not alone
I'm always there with you
And we'll get lost together
Till the light comes pouring through
'Cause when you feel like you're done
And the darkness has won
Babe, you're not lost"

This family has helped me a lot with moving on with my life since my dad died. They've showed me that people care and that others can feel my pain.
They know some of what I'm going through, and we are able to grieve together.

Revised Essay #2

I have NO IDEA what to write about for the second revised essay we have to write for my AP Lang class. Seriously, I have absolutely no idea what to write about. The first draft is due a week from today. I have NO IDEA what I’m going to write about!

There’s so much going on in my life that I could easily write about, but none of it is finished – I would have no way to end my essay. It would end without an ending, almost like its ending mid-sentence. I have ABSOLUTELY no idea what I’m going to write about.

Ideas:

1) Law – pick some random case that interests me and write about it – that could be really boring to readers
2) My friends – that would be easy, but I’m not sure I have enough to go off of
3) My dad – I did that for the first revised essay we had to write…
4) Lymphoma – my grandma died from that – I could do that – this is a possibility!!!
5) Non-Violence – maybe???

I guess right now, the only “good” option is lymphoma. So I guess I’ll get to work with that…

Here we go – be prepared for the worst essay I’ve ever written…!

AH HA! I've got it!
"Should the death penalty be legal or not?"

:D :) :P
Yay, I now feel sucessful!
Now I just have to write it...
Here we go...