Monday, December 14, 2009

A Ringing in My Ears

A year ago tomorrow. The date rings in my ears. A year ago tonight he was assaulted. A year ago tomorrow he died. That’s hard to live with. I’m dreading the day, the hour, the minute, the very second the anniversary comes. It doesn’t seem like that long ago. It doesn’t seem like he’s been gone this long. That’s a good thing, right?

Tomorrow will be tough for me. But I’m going out with two of my best friends that have been standing by me through this whole thing for dinner in an attempt to clear my head. I doubt it will work, but it will at least be a bit of a distraction.

I still think about my dad every second of every day. I wonder what he’s thinking as he’s watching over me. I wonder what he’d say to me if he were with me. But I will never know. Not until I’m up there with him. Part of me hopes that’s soon, but part of me knows that it will be a long time from now because I know my dad wants to watch me live out my life better and longer than he had the opportunity to. It’s hard to want to grant the wishes that I know he has. But I’m pushing forward the best I can.

I got home from work this afternoon to find a box from my aunt along with a note.

Inside the box was a Christmas ornament with a little card that had a little poem on it. The Christmas ornament had the last stanza of the poem engraved in it. The little card said this:

Merry Christmas from Heaven

I still hear the songs,
I still see the lights
I still feel your love on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes and all of your cares
I’ll eve remind you to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you, you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment, to stay in His grace
I cam here before you to help set your place

You don’t have to be perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip, if you continue the climb

To my family and friends,
Please be thankful today
I’m still close beside you,
In a new special way

I love you all dearly,
Now don’t shed a tear
Cause I’m spending my Christmas with Jesus this year.

The card from my aunt said that she thought it sounded exactly like something my dad would say to me.

Things like this in my life keep me pushing on. Things like this keep me from straying further from the path I was meant to take with my life. Things like this help remind me that my dad is still watching over me, even if I can’t see him here with me.

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