This past year has been hard on me as well as on two of my best friends that are like family to me.
December 2008: My dad was murdered.
February 2009: One of my best friend’s brothers died in a car accident.
July 2009: My grandma got stomach cancer and started getting weaker and weaker from the chemotherapy.
July 2009: My grandpa became weak from my grandma being sick.
August 2009: My Papa got bladder cancer.
August 2009: My other grandma started having heart problems.
September 2009: My uncle died.
I’m not trying to win your sympathy – I don’t want it. I’m only trying to make a point, in one way or another.
My question is this: If death is inevitable, then why do we fear it so much? Why do we blame ourselves? Why do we scream at the God we believe in, asking Him how He let this happen? It’s inevitable – nothing we do will bring the ones we love back to us. But it feels good to try, sometimes.
Those two girls that have suffered through this with me know just how this whole thing has affected me. Death isn’t easy. There’s really no way to prepare yourself for a loved one’s death. Neither my dad’s, my friend’s brother’s, nor my uncle’s deaths were expected. But for a while I asked God why he didn’t give me a warning about the deaths. With my dad’s death, I thought at first that I missed the signs that He gave me. Part of myself still believes that I missed them. But now, I realized that it wouldn’t have helped to suffocate this pain. I would have still hurt in exactly the same ways.
We’re so afraid of living while another is gone. But we have to realize, eventually in our lives, that death is, in fact, inevitable. But that doesn’t mean we’re ready to deal with the pain just because we know one day death will come and conquer the ones we love, though. Even when death is expected to take the one we love, it hurts us and kills a part of us that will never return. That hole will always remain eminent in our hearts, unable to be filled ever again.