Sunday, September 13, 2009

The Depressed Mind is Never Fully Healed

Crystal ²,
Please keep on going no matter what. Promise me you’ll keep going. It’s what I want from you. I don’t care how hard things get. Think of me; think of how much I want you to move on. Do great things with your life. You have everything you need lying in front of you. I know you’ve had a lot of bad things happen in your life, but you’re strong. You can get through this and everything the future holds. Stay strong and keep going. I’m sorry I’m not strong enough. Be strong for me.
I love you,
Kellie ²

² Names have been changed
This is a suicide note from a friend of mine. She wrote it a couple of months back. She’s still here today, thankfully. But this note still hurts me every time I read it. The realization that I almost lost my best friend is so overpowering.

Many things bother me about depression. Depression itself doesn’t bother me because I know that people can’t control it. The fact that people don’t understand it is what bothers me. People think depression can be “cured” by the person admitting they’re depressed. This is far from the truth. Many people need counseling called psychotherapy or antidepressants to help cope with their depression.

Some turn to cutting or other types of self-mutilation to help cope with the emotional pain that they’re going through. Many believe that there’s nothing else that anyone can do to help them. Many believe that this is the way their life will always be – dark, cold, and lonely. They believe that there’s no turning back to the life they used to live, all because of what the depression has done to them.

Many lose their friends, their family, and anyone else that was close to them because the person often fades slowly from life, becoming less and less social. Things like “Feel my pain, hear my screams, and watch me fade” are used often to try to help the person explain how they feel. In reality though, sometimes they don’t know that what their feeling isn’t normal. They begin to feel that they’ve felt this way their whole lives.

I guess I ask you this: Why does depression exist? Why do we sometimes have to feel like tomorrow will only be worse than today? Why do we sometimes just want to be alone with our depression, and other times want to be around people, just to try to make it fade away? Why do we have to feel the hurt from the depression sometimes?

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