Wedding Day has Come and Gone

No, not my wedding day! If you've been following my blog, you know that I've been really excited about my older cousin's wedding in San Francisco. Well, it has come and gone.

It was so much fun to see my little cousins and spend time with them. It was fun dancing the night of the wedding away with my kid cousins and with the bride.

I was really excited when the guy that was helping to organize the wedding ran through where the families were standing around and talking. He was yelling "Cousin, Cousin!", and wanting me to follow him downstairs to spend time with the bride until the wedding had started. She and I sat downstairs and talked for about twenty or thirty minutes. It was fun to see my cousin and get some alone time with her, because I knew I wouldn't get to see her much for the rest of my time in California.

For the wedding, my little cousins were the flower girls and the ring barrer. After they walked down the aisle, my seven year old cousin came to sit on my lap. This was a really good thing because it kept me warmer. Since the wedding was on a balcony over the water, it was windy and really cold! Having my cousin sit on my bare legs helped me to stay a little warmer!!!!

The family photos were a lot of fun to take, and I'm so glad I was able to be there for my cousin's wedding. I wouldn't have missed it for the world. :)

New-Found Friends

I just have to dedicate a post to two of my new-found friends.
Yes, I still have my Big Sis and Chels, but it's nice to add two people to the mix.

I've met both of them online, both on Facebook. We've been talking a lot ever since. :)

Ashley is the first person I want to talk about. Ashley has helped me out a lot in getting through everything I need to get through. We have been able to help eachother to smile and she's pulled me from the edge after this breakup, as well as helped me before the breakup.

Grant is the other person I'd like to talk about. He has really helped me to open up to another guy. He understands partially what I'm going through and has let me know time and time again that I will always have him at my side.

Thanks you guys. I don't know what I'd do without both of you, as well as Kt and Chels as well. ♥

Breakup

So my (now ex) boyfriend broke up with me Saturday afternoon. Yeah, it sucks, I know.


I guess it's gonna have to hurt,
I guess I'm gonna have to cry,
And let go of some things I've loved,
To get to the other side,
I guess it's gonna break me down,
Like falling when you try to fly,
It's sad, but sometimes moving on with the rest of your life,
Starts with goodbye.

I hurts, obviously. I'm having difficulties moving on, especially when he keeps talking to me over and over again. But I'm hoping it gets easier, or else I'm in for trouble...

Superboy & the Invisible Girl - Next to Normal

This song definitely explains my life right now..... I LOVE THIS MUSICAL! No, I've never seen it, but I love the lyrics and the storyline!

NATALIE
Superboy and the Invisible Girl
Son of Steel and Daughter of Air
He's a hero, a lover, a prince
She's not there

Superboy & the Invisible Girl
Everything a kid oughtta be
He's immortal, forever alive
Then there's me

I wish I could fly
And magically appear and disappear
I wish I could fly
I'd fly far away from here

Superboy and the Invisible Girl
He's the one you wish would appear
He's your hero, your savior, your son
He's not here
I am here

DIANA
You know that's not true
You're our little pride and joy, our perfect plan
You know I love you
I love you as much as I can

NATALIE
Take a look at the Invisible Girl
Here she is, clear as the day
Please look closely and find her before she fades away

NATALIE and GABE
Superboy and the Invisible Girl
Son of Steel and Daughter of Air
He's a hero, a lover, a prince
She's not there
She's not there
She's not there
She's not there

SAN FRANCISCO!

I know I've been talking about this a lot, but it's because I'm really excited!!!

10 days until my cousin gets married in San Francisco!
10 days until Special Friends' Day at my little cousin's school!
That means only 9 days until I leave!!!
9 days until I get NO SLEEP for 3.5 days due to two 5 year olds and a 7 year old!

But I'm still really excited!!!!

I LOVE MY FAMILY!!!!!!!!!!

The World Through the Mind of the Depressed

For those of you that don’t know, I’m doing me research paper for AP Lang on depression and suicide. So I figured this blog post was a legit idea!


The marks. Wide, protruding. So obviously there, so obviously evident. Yet no one says anything to her. Not a word.

Maybe she’s finally invisible, unseen by the world that so clearly judges her at first glance. Now that she seems to have gotten what she’s wished for, she feels even more neglected. Maybe no one cares about her, the girl that has clearly gone completely insane.

At least that's what they say.

The truth is, they don't know the first thing about her. They don't understand. That blood, those tears, those wounds, they aren't for attention. She’s not faking this. What she feels is real.

It's all an effect of his wrongdoing. He killed him. And she thinks she’s beginning to be the only one that believes he will serve time for that action we all have hated so much.

Well, he might as well have killed me too.

She’s not the same girl everyone knew and loved. She never will be. These scars and the erasers that caused these marks, they stare up at her, begging to be run up & down her wrist once again.

She stops it, sometimes. As much & as often as she’s able, at least. But only because she doesn't want others to see her new mistakes.

She feels like everyone has given up on this trial to convict this man of his unthinkable sin. She’s the only one who still cares. She’s the only one that wants to see justice served anymore.

At least that's what it seems.

She’s the only one living her life differently. Everyone else has moved on, back to their old lives. Not her. She’s shaken, hurt, and all alone. This has consumed her, and there's nothing she can do about it. There's nothing anyone can do; nothing at all can be done to save her from myself.

PTSD

One of my good friends suffers from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). There are many different symptoms to PTSD, and not everyone will show them all.

There are three different main categories for symptoms:
Reliving the tramautic event (flashbacks), avoidance (numb feeling, not expression of mood or emotions, sense of having no future, and/or avoiding places or events that can lead back to the cause of the trauma), and arousal (difficulty concentrating, difficulties with sleep, and/or anger).
There are also other symptoms that include Agitation, or excitability, Dizziness, Fainting, Feeling your heart beat in your chest (palpitations), Fever , Headache, and/or Paleness
The cause of PTSD is unknown, but psychological, genetic, physical, and social factors are involved. PTSD changes the body’s response to stress. It affects the stress hormones and chemicals that carry information between the nerves (neurotransmitters). Having been exposed to trauma in the past may increase the risk of PTSD.

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) may occur soon after a major trauma, or it can be delayed for more than 6 months after the event. When it occurs soon after the trauma, it usually gets better after 3 months. However, some people have a longer-term form of PTSD, which can last for many years.

There are no tests that can be done to diagnose PTSD. The diagnosis is made based on a certain set of symptoms that continue after you've had extreme trauma. Your doctor will do psychiatric and physical exams to rule out other illnesses.