Will You Comfort Me?

I wrote this a few weeks ago when my friend that I talked about in a previous blog was suicidal again:

Will You Comfort Me?

You see my pain – will you stop it?
You see my tears –will you comfort me?
You see the changes I’ve made – will you acknowledge them?
You see my scars – will you show me you care before it’s too late?

You see that I need help – yet I receive little.

You watch me cry and all you do is sit there, staring.
You watch me tear myself to pieces and all you do is watch me fall apart.

You watch me as my life crumbles to pieces. There’s nothing you can do, but still, I wait.

I wonder, sometimes, if this is what I’m going to be like forever.
I wonder, sometimes, if this is all I will ever remember of these years.
I wonder, sometimes, if this is going to kill me.

Maybe I want it to.
Maybe I don’t.

I’m not exactly sure anymore.

Write!

What’s the best thing to do when you can’t talk? Write! Yeah, that’s right. I lost my voice today due to the flu I caught from my mom earlier this week. I stayed home from school today. And let me tell you – I’m BORED!

I thought I would be able to keep myself busy with television, Facebook, and everything else that I normally do when I’m extremely bored. But it’s mid-day! Everyone is at school and Facebook has three people on it, all at work that can’t talk but get on Facebook just because they can! I’m tearing my hair out trying to figure out what to do! I’ve tried sleeping, but it just isn’t happening! I already did the homework that I could that’s due tomorrow, I don’t know what to do and its not even noon-thirty!

What is a bored, sick girl to do? Ahhh! Today just needs to be over with so I can go back to school tomorrow! (Hopefully!)

Sickness is NOT Fun!

So I woke up this morning to find that I caught what my mom has been out with since Friday. The flu.

I have a headache, probably a little fever, my eyes and neck hurt, and I have a cough that sounds like I’m killing a cow (yeah, that was meant to be funny). I’m freezing cold with a sweatshirt on as well as a blanket, and my homework just doesn’t understand that I need it to learn how to do itself tonight so I can just relax and watch television, and maybe take a really long nap.

I can’t skip school any time soon, though, regardless of how I feel, emotionally as well as physically, because I just don’t like that feeling of being behind in my classes. My sister told me to take tomorrow off because I will only end up getting worse and having to take more off from school. But right now, that isn’t exactly an option. The new term just started and I need to start out ahead. Not behind. My sister also said that I should take the day off so I don’t infect the whole rest of the school. Well, to be honest, I don’t care! My education is more important to me! I don’t want that feeling of being behind in my classes, I don’t want that feeling of just not being able to get anything done because I’m overly stressed out.

I have the flu. And I absolutely hate it! I hope it goes away soon! :(

To Write Love On Her Arms (TWLOHA)

TWLOHA DAY IS FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2009. WILL YOU PARTICIPATE?!

Some of you may know what this is, but others may not. I'm a huge supporter of TWLOHA for various reasons that I really don't want to go into right now.

This is something I found online about TWLOHA.


To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and finding help for people struggling with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide. TWLOHA exists to encourage, inform, inspire and also to invest directly into treatment and recovery.

*****To Write Love On Her Arms Day is a day where anyone can write the words love on their arms, to support those who are fighting against depression and those who are trying to recovering. On this day, just write love on your arms, and show it off, other people will ask why you have love written on your arms, and you tell them you are supporting to write love on her arms day, and how its benefiting a non profit organization helping stop depression, and make love the movement ♥

The vision is that we actually believe these things…

You were created to love and be loved. You were meant to live life in relationship with other people, to know and be known. You need to know that your story is important and that you're part of a bigger story. You need to know that your life matters.

We live in a difficult world, a broken world. My friend Byron is very smart - he says that life is hard for most people most of the time. We believe that everyone can relate to pain, that all of us live with questions, and all of us get stuck in moments. You need to know that you're not alone in the places you feel stuck.

We all wake to the human condition. We wake to mystery and beauty but also to tragedy and loss. Millions of people live with problems of pain. Millions of homes are filled with questions – moments and seasons and cycles that come as thieves and aim to stay. We know that pain is very real. It is our privilege to suggest that hope is real, and that help is real.

You need to know that rescue is possible, that freedom is possible, that God is still in the business of redemption. We're seeing it happen. We're seeing lives change as people get the help they need. People sitting across from a counselor for the first time. People stepping into treatment. In desperate moments, people calling a suicide hotline. We know that the first step to recovery is the hardest to take. We want to say here that it's worth it, that your life is worth fighting for, that it's possible to change.

Beyond treatment, we believe that community is essential, that people need other people, that we were never meant to do life alone.

The vision is that community and hope and help would replace secrets and silence.

The vision is people putting down guns and blades and bottles.

The vision is that we can reduce the suicide rate in America and around the world.

The vision is that we would learn what it means to love our friends, and that we would love ourselves enough to get the help we need.

The vision is better endings. The vision is the restoration of broken families and broken relationships. The vision is people finding life, finding freedom, finding love. The vision is graduation, a Super Bowl, a wedding, a child, a sunrise. The vision is people becoming incredible parents, people breaking cycles, making change.

The vision is the possibility that your best days are ahead.

The vision is the possibility that we're more loved than we'll ever know.

The vision is hope, and hope is real.

You are not alone, and this is not the end of your story.


TWLOHA DAY IS FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2009. WILL YOU PARTICIPATE?!

I WILL

The Crosswalk - Another Amazing Email

The Crosswalk

Every once in a while, a seemingly-simple email comes around that ends up being quite profound. This is one of them.














We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing us for the dip in the road that God can see and we cannot.

Whatever your cross,
whatever your pain,
there will always be sunshine, after the rain.
Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall;
But God's always ready, to answer your call.
He knows every heartache, sees every tear,
a word from His lips, can calm every fear.
Your sorrows may linger, throughout the night,
But suddenly vanish, by dawn's early light.
The Savior is waiting, somewhere above,
to give you His grace, and send you His love.
May God fill your day with blessings!!

Be kinder than necessary, for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle!

Figuring Out the Details

I’m slowly piecing together the details of when I’m going out to San Francisco for my cousin’s wedding in April. She gets married on a Friday night. We will leave right at 3:00 on Thursday afternoon and get in sometime that night. I assume I’m staying with my aunt and uncle and little cousins, but I’m not completely sure yet. That Friday is Special Friend’s Day at my little cousin’s (nine years my junior) school. So I’m planning to go and be her “special friend” for the day. :) Then the wedding is that night, and I spend the rest of the weekend sight seeing with my family. I will leave Sunday morning early to get home for school on Monday morning.

I’M REALLY EXCITED! Excited to be in San Francisco again, excited to see my little cousins, excited to see my aunt and uncle that live out there, excited to see my older cousin get married to a funny guy that I’ve gotten to know really pretty well from holidays when they come to visit Iowa and from when I came to visit out in San Francisco last year.

I’M REALLY REALLY EXCITED!!!!!

Counting Down the Days

I count down the days to a monthly meeting for survivors of homicide. I’ve missed the last two months due to swim practices. I was counting down the days and talking to a friend I met through this program. She sadly told me that the meeting got pushed back a week. I about cried when I heard this. This meeting is the one thing that gets me through each month. Having it pushed back even one week put me down in the dumps. The reason it’s pushed back is legit, but still… When it’s always on the same day of the week, the second week of the month, it throws you when that changes!

I guess I just have less time to wait between the November and December meetings now! :)